Don’t shit on cabbage (Literally)

Today was pretty shit. Through a serious of unfortunate events, I become done with today within three hours of going through it.

While angrily strolling through target with a liter of lemonade and straws, I passed by the produce section to come upon a grotesque smell.

Upon further investigation, I realized someone took a shit on some green vegetables.

Now after discovering this, I looked around to try and find a culprit to this heinous deed. (At this time I am currently in the adjacent candle aisle, huffing the shit out of some ocean breeze candles) I found an old man near the deadly duty and many thoughts began flowing through my throbbing head.

Now let’s say that this old man took a shit on some cabbage. I doubt this because he looked like he could not move very much, but let’s just say.

I can’t help but feel saddened by this old man who may or may not have taken a shit on some greens. Who let this possibly senile old gentlemen escape from the confines of his elderly care facility. Maybe he needed depends, they were not too far from from the contaminated produce.

However, maybe he was simply passing through this aisle, because his need for activia was far more important than the aggressive and detrimental smell.

If someone else did this horrible thing, then I can’t help but grow angry and confused. Who would be possessed to actually and literally dedicate upon some produce.

This was not a small aisle. It was in fact this biggest of all the grocery aisles. So whoever did it was either not of perfect or had zero shame doing so.

I can’t help but envy this foliage destroyer for their unabashed need to lay their waste upon innocent greenery. I wish one day to do something I love unapologetically.

But to shit on cabbage? To simply ruin a healthy source of vitamins and nutrition for nothing. This horrendous act does no aide to anyone at all.

This act of shitting on cabbage will most likely baffle me for a good 12 hours, but will haunt me for many more…


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