I was inspired by a group of old ladies at a restaurant and wrote a story
It was an eerily quiet Wednesday afternoon at the Village Inn. Eerie because it was free pie Wednesday, and white people fucking loved free things. It didn’t matter if it was a free refill, white people were there for it.
It was quiet at the table were the group was waiting for Darlene, who’d ruin her perm if she found out they covered a topic without her input. The group met regularly to “support” Judy who had been going through cancer, however Judy was a dumbass and the group was a bunch of narcissistic soccer moms who didn’t really like Judy. Only free pie.
The only reason they met was because Sharon declared they would. She was the head bitch who the rest of the group listened to. Darlene thought she was the leader, because she had the biggest hair, but it was ugly and she was a dumbfuck. Darlene also liked to trifle.
Darlene had a history for trifling. Darlene had slept with Sharon’s husband and brother, and acts like no one knows but slutty Jessica had spilled the beans because the only thing more open than her legs was her mouth.
Sharon only allowed her to keep meeting with them, because Bianca would throw a fit (Bianca is the angry reincarnation of Judge Judy and Bianca Grace’s love child) and because Sharon wanted to ruin Darlene.
Before Judy could open her dumb mouth, Darlene walked in. Strutting in like she was the queen of K-mart, she gave a small wave to the usual waitress, who gave an audible groan.
“Hello girls! How are we going about our day?” Darlene pronounced in a high pitched squeal.
“Who the fuck greets someone that way?” Bianca proclaimed.
“Don’t blow up yet Hindenburg.” Jessica said. They frequently called her things that blow up although she couldn’t understand the connection.
“Why must you call me that? We aren’t similar in the least!” Bianca exhaled.
“The doctor said I’ve been making good progress!” Judy interjected. Judy was diagnosed with stage two skin cancer, but wasn’t losing her hair, so the group continued to treat her like shit.
“Wow, slow your roll Ms. Ebola 2015, we’ve heard it before.” Darlene proclaimed.
“How about you calm the fuck down, you cunt.” Sharon said giving Darlene the shady side eye. “We’re glad to hear that!” All the girls nodded in agreement. “But now on to real news! My son just got accepted to NYU!”
All the girls started fake clapping while Darlene gave an eye roll and shrug.
“I’m sorry Darlene, where did your daughter get into?” Sharon scoffed at Darlene.
“My wonderful Beatrice chose to stay close to home and go to NDSU.”
“Ha “chose,” we’ll go with that,” Sharon murmured. This caused Judy to giggle until she was kicked by Jessica.
Jessica, trying to avoid conflict, signaled the waitress, who begrudgingly walked over.
“Hi girls, how are we today?” She sighed. She looked at all the girls who made her wish she was dead. The Judge Judy look-a-like was glaring at her per usual, while the rest stared into space or were too busy sucking in their guts.
“Enough chit chat, we’ll take the usual.” Darlene said as she waved the girl off.
“Actually I’d like to-”
“Can we make it hasty? I’ve got plans at 7.” Darlene said as she cut Judy off.
The waitress ran off, as she was giving the golden opportunity to not have to hear the girls take a fuck ton of time to order. Judy just looked down in defeat, as usual.
“So tell me,” Darlene said suspiciously, “What is your son going to study?”
Before Sharon could answer, the waitress brought over five iced teas and ran off before something could be said to her.
“My Tyler will be studying Podiatry.” Sharon said proudly.
“What’s that?” Judy asked.
“The study of feet.” Darlene said stifling a laugh.
As Sharon began digging through her purse to pretend she couldn’t see Darlene’s nasty giggle, the rest of the girls began sipping their tea.
“Coincidentally, my daughter is going to study medicine too! But, he’s going to do more than excite foot fetish freaks.” Darlene giggled until Sharon crushed a piece of ice in her hand.
Judy got out her phone to text her husband that she was going to be late, as she felt a fight was imminent.
Darlene sat there quietly wondering if she should start some shit. She not only wanted to destroy Sharon, but was still upset that Sharon’s son, Tyler, fucked Beatrice in the ass and never called her back. She cringed as she thought of her when her daughter cried for days, too scared to shit, because he didn’t use lube, only spit.
Meanwhile, Darlene sat there ready to fight, with her secret weapon, she fucked Sharon’s father as well, and was waiting for the right time to really fuck Sharon up.
The whole group sat in silence, waiting for one girl to fuck up, so the others could go in on her. They all really hated each other, but hated their family’s more, so would go to escape the hassle of home. Judy wanted to make them all ill, so they’d know how she felt, while Bianca loved to be a hateful bitch, and Jessica liked to pick up old men at the restaurant. Darlene was a trifling bitch, who hated Sharon so much for reason’s unknown. Sharon was a controlling cunt whose family hated her and had no other friends.
Bianca was getting bored during the silence and decided to start things up. “Sharon, I saw your husband last week and he looks nice.”
“Oh yeah, he has lost some weight and got a haircut!” Darlene chimed in nonchalantly, picking the last straw.
As the waitress came over and put the food down, Sharon began rolling up her sleeves and took out her glasses for the read. Darlene and Bianca were ready, While Jessica notified Judy what the fuck was going on.
“When did you see George?” Sharon said slyly.
“Last Friday, I think.”
“Oh that can’t be right, he had a meeting that night.”
“Oh yes, then I’m sure I saw him that day.” Darlene said assuredly.
The rest of the girls gasped at the insinuation that was made and wiped their mouths in anticipation.
“What is that supposed to mean? He had a meeting all day and couldn’t have seen you.” Sharon was beginning to grow frustrated at the mind games that Darlene was trying to play. Sharon was too smart for that shit and wouldn’t give in to this BS.
“All I’m saying is that when I saw him, he mentioned that he had just come from a meeting.” Darlene said in a high pitched tone as she wiped her mouth.
“He said he came straight home.”
“Well he did do a lot of coming.” Darlene said sipping her tea.
“Oh shit this bitch did not jus-.“ Judy gasped as Sharon cut her off.
“Funny, George told me you never did make him come,” Sharon said looking Darlene directly in the eyes. “He said you were too loose for him to feel anything.”
“That’s not what your dad said last Arbor day.” Darlene was ready to end this bitch.
“What do you mean her da- OH NO!” Judy’s mouth dropped as she put the pieces together, every Arbor Day, Sharon’s family has a big celebration because they’re fucking weird, but Sharon couldn’t go because she had the flu. Darlene showed up uninvited as that bitch does and said she wasn’t there very long, which didn’t make sense.
The whole group sat there in silence trying to figure out their next move. Darlene and Sharon were staring at each other dead on quietly. Finally Sharon decided to end this bitch.
“Okay enough of this horse shit you’re spouting Darlene. I’ve had it with your trifling and your nasty haircut. You’re a ratty bitch with a brain dead daughter who only got into college because you fucked the admissions board. The only reason you got anywhere near the men in my family is because they have horrible taste and love-less marriages. You can fuck them if you want, but no matter how much you fuck them it won’t help you lose any weight you fat ugly bitch!” Sharon yelled as she stood up and glared at Darlene.
“Funny, your son didn’t say anything about my weight.”
As Darlene said this, Sharon threw her tea directly at Darlene, who then threw her entire plate at Sharon’s head. Sharon crawled on the table towards Darlene with her claws out as the rest of the girls tried to pull them off.
Two police officers who were enjoying some free pie, ran over and pulled them off.
“I’ll fuck every man you’ll ever meet you nasty bitch, so you might as well become a lesbian!” Darlene yelled as she was being put into cuffs.
Sharon escaped the police officers grasp and spit on Darlene. They were then both tazed by the cops, who dragged them out of the Village Inn.
The rest of the girls sat there in shock for a moment, before calling the waitress over for some free pie.